Articles - You can't please women (St.Lucia News Online)

You have a lot of naïve men out there. Yes, a lot. They believe they have what it takes to please women – please women to the point where she will never stray or go away.

And what do I say to this? Bull***.

You cannot ever please a woman. And here is why?

SEX: Regardless of how perfect the sex seems, she will never be satisfied. If the sex is too good she will complain: Babes, why are you doing it so good; why do you let me c** so much?” If the sex is not good, she may, or may not complain. She will just find another banana.

ATTENTION: Women love a lot of attention. That’s right and wrong. If you give her attention, she complains: “Babes, I need some breathing space,” or she will tell her girlfriends: “Gosh, that dude always under me, I need some time away from him. He is too obsessed with me.” Ok give her some space and this is what she says: “You’re always working; are you telling me your work is more important?”

JOB: Women love men who have a job or who earn plenty doe. Yea right. “Babes, I can’t believe you are earning more than me. I need a better job. I need my independence too. Not because you have a job means you are better than me”. Ok, if the guy does not have a job or earns less than her, she will complain: “Scrub, you need a job for Christ’s sake… you broke nigger.”

You just can’t please women.

Women will stray or go away, simply because they are made that way. You often hear “good men” complain that they can’t find a “good woman” or you will hear “good women” say they can’t find a “good man”. I am sure good men and good women have met. Wouldn’t that be perfect? No. And that’s because you can’t please women.

I had a best friend name Marlon. He thought he had everything. Mister was earning $4,000 USD a month as a supervisor; owns a car; inherited his parents’ house and land; mid 20’s; tall and handsome – every thing. I slept with his woman, and I got puzzled one day while we lay recovering after a four-hour sex session. It bothered me – not because he was my best friend – but because he seems to have every thing a woman wants.

So I slowly asked: “I mean, I feel bad doing this (like I did) but I mean… why would you cheat on him?”

“Long story,” she replied.

“Ok what’s the short version?” I asked.

“He is too long, too big,” she said with a sigh (an obviously disappointed one)

“Are you *** with me,” I asked.

“I just did,” she laughed.

But that wasn’t funny at all. Was she implying I was not big enough and therefore was small enough for her? Or was he hurting her? Mystery indeed.

I am sure if he was an abuser, a cheater, she wouldn’t hold that back for anything. Obviously, she wasn’t satisfied with the sex, and obviously she didn’t seem to care about communication.

So, women cannot be pleased.

You will find a woman is quick to break up with you for a little white lie, a little sex with her sister or being a little too freaky. But beat her up every night (no I don’t do that), and put a knife at her throat and threaten to kill all the rabbits in the pen and she will stick to you like glue. Isn’t that one of the world’s biggest mystery? Am sure scientists will come up with some Bull*** like the enzymes in the apple Eve ate had some cellularly-stupidosey H02 activity as the reason for female behaviour.

If you do good by your woman, love her, give her all she needs, she will go a-stray or away.

So here is what you should do to keep your woman: Say yes to everything she asks or says.

“Nice Guy, I am going to sleep with your boss later, ok. Love you.”

“Yes no problem.”

“Nice Guy, can I have $1 million by midday? “

“Yes, that’s fine honey.”

“Nice Guy, I haven’t cum since 1997, can I check your brother? I haven’t heard his girlfriend complain.”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

“Nice Guy, I know you’re small but can you add seven more inches soon?”

“Yea, I think I can do it by noon.”

“Nice Guy, I know you’re not due vacation as yet but can we go to Cancun tomorrow.”

“Yup, definitely.”

“Nice Guy, can you kill yourself. I am tired of you.”

“Sure, done.” (Gulping the 60 tablets).

Saying yes to all she asks, does not mean you can do it, but the fact that you made an effort should satisfy her and please her.

I hope.

See you next Monday!

(Stlucia News Online)